In coaching we often stress how important it is to get to the “who” of the client. When we explore and uncover who a person truly is at their core, shifts occur and awareness is created. I am going to be blatantly honest and share that I have “stuffed” part of my “who”, stuffed it in a major way. To put it simply, I’ve been like a bird caught in an oil spill; wings wanting to fly, but buried beneath too much shit to do so.  

As I mentioned in my entry on Make the Most of U I have been afraid to let my vulnerable side come out and play fully. Why? Because I didn’t want to be seen as flawed; I didn’t want my clients, potential clients, and friends to think of me as weak or incapable of being a good coach and friend. (So much for walking my own walk, right?)

So I am coming clean; cleaning the shit off my wings.

In doing so, I first need to address the question, “Who Is Pam REALLY?”

Pam is a woman. She is a strong woman who has been through some tough stuff in her lifetime (i.e. abuse, miscarriage, divorce). She is a woman who has made some crappy decisions, but is doing her best to learn from those decisions. She is a woman who has fears; fear of failing, fear of being rejected, fear of being alone, and sometimes fear of success (to name a few). She is a fighter; she fights herself way too much, but she also fights for what’s right. She is a woman who can be selfish and a bit of a jackass sometimes, especially when she is afraid or angry. (FACTOID: Anger is just fear turned outward.)  She is a woman with heart and lots of love to give. She is not perfect, but has a bad habit of trying to be. She sometimes gives her power away too easily to others. She is a giving human being. She sometimes hides her pain behind a positive exterior. She is determined and not a quitter. And when she gets out of her own way, she is a damn good friend and a fine coach.

So here is to being real (and a bit scared right now about putting this out there); to understanding that by being real and being vulnerable I can actually be a better me, a better friend, and a better coach. Stay tuned as this woman continues to clean the shit off her wings so she can truly soar.

Last night I was out to dinner with a group of friends. As the clock struck 9pm and the band began to play the restaurant/bar atmosphere shifted. It went from adults having dinner and nice conversations to an atmosphere of desperation and show. Not only could you feel it, but you could hear it, and see it.

Heads and hair being tossed back followed by fake laughter.

Conversation amongst women about other women in the bar (Let the competition begin).

Skirts hiked up to not only expose leg, but to expose what was between legs.

Cleavage and chest hair as far as the eye could see.

OK, I realize that being in your 40s (even 30s and up) and single can be a challenge. I also understand that is difficult to meet others, I truly do. What I don’t get is why the need to put on a show just to make a connection with the opposite sex?!

What happens when the clothes go back on and you’re standing in the cold light of day? Do people honestly believe that a good show equates to quality companionship?

Oh, duh...I just had a light bulb moment; maybe quality is not what people are after. Maybe people are just looking for free drinks, a few fake laughs, or a one night stand. In that case to each their own; that’s cool.

Thanks for the eye-opener and the lesson. I think I will steer clear of the bar scenes and remember to always keep it real; even if real means staying single.

I can’t believe that 2007 has come and is almost gone.  In reviewing some of my intentions for this past year, I realize that some did not become a reality for me. Rather than be upset I am giving myself permission to be OK with the fact that I didn’t build my practice to 20 loving clients and that I did not gain a column this year. Instead I am going to express my sincerest gratitude for the following things accomplished:

1)     I did give an empowerment workshop to 17 incredible women and this week I am giving another. (One of my intentions for the year).

2)     I wrote and self-published a series of e-workbooks.

3)     I finished my Masters in Industrial/Organizational Psychology.

4)     I became a certified coach via the International Coach Federation.

5)     My coaching blog Make the Most of U served 337,367 visits (to date); so maybe it’s not a column, but it still enabled me to reach out and share.

I am going to claim this year as a success and I am going to make the following commitments to myself for the next year:

1)     To add five corporate clients to my practice.

2)     To give five empowerment workshops.

3)     To continue to give readings and strengthen my intuitive skills.

4)     To not let fear stand in my way of being who I need to be and creating what I wish to create.

You heard it here first and it starts today.