Living Life and Taking Chances
You know this the first time since I started blogging when I've gone more than an entire month without posting. At first I felt guilty, because being consistent is important to me. I then realized that with all the things swirling around in my head and in my life, the worst thing I could do is just post for the sake of posting. So for the last month I have taken a bit of a break from blogging. I have spent some time regrouping, being in the moment, and letting things flow as they may. With that said, some things have shown up which I'm rather excited about...
1) Five different people have said a very similar thing to me lately, "Hey Pam, when are you writing your book?" Uh, duh...do you think the Universe is trying to tell me something? So guess what? I'm writing a book about self esteem building with a very fun twist... this won't be your typical "how to" book so please stay tuned.
2) It has always been my intention to partner with some powerful women, creating and doing things that really make a difference. Well, that intention has shown up in a major way. I have the chance to work with some amazing women in creating some programs and services that will no doubt have a positive impact. I am so grateful to my dear friend, Dr. Kirsten Harrell for sharing her heart, her experience and her willingness to collaborate. Some cool and wonderful things are coming down the pike, my friends.
3) I have decided it's time to start dating again. Yes, you heard it right and I have to say that it's been a rather fun and interesting experience thus far. It is certainly not for the faint of heart, but the one important thing I have learned; what may seem like rejection really is just the Universe's way of protecting you from situations and people that are not a right fit. Boy, am I glad that the Universe has my back. :) It's all about putting yourself out there and having faith that the right person will appear when the time is right.
4) Many moons ago I said I wanted to have a syndicated column, I am now writing a column. While it's not syndicated, it is a step in the right direction.
5) I have gained over 900 coaching hours and am testing for my next level of certification. Very exciting opportunity which brings with it the chance to play even bigger.
So here's to living life and taking some chances, remembering that we all have more to gain by taking them. Dear friends, what chances have you taken lately? I look forward to hearing.
Peace and love to you all until next time!
Making The Most of Every Moment
The last few weeks have been a wild ride for sure, but my family has come out on the other side stronger and quite thankful. As I mentioned a few weeks back my ex-hubby was diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, three weeks after an extensive 10 hour surgery is he on the road to recovery and cancer free. To say that I'm relieved would be an understatement, certainly. I'm downright grateful; grateful that he is OK and grateful for the learning opportunities that presented themselves.
I learned and re-learned a great deal over the past few weeks that's for sure. I learned/re-learned...
-That it's OK to share when you are scared or in pain. Doing so actually makes you a stronger person. (My heartfelt thanks to some special friends, colleagues, and my students for being so supportive.)
-There is a great deal of power in feeling your feelings through.
- Wisdom doesn't always come with age. My son, at the age of 14 holds a great deal of wisdom. Despite the uncertainty he maintained a positive attitude and was more than willing to share words of encouragement and wisdom.
- The heart has an amazing capacity to love if you remain open.
- Life is meant to be lived full-out; it's full of opportunities, positive risks and challenges which are just waiting to be embraced.
- To make each and every moment count and never let an opportunity pass by to express how much others mean to you.
- Gratitude is one of the most powerful forms of expression. I'm even more grateful for every second of every day than I was before.
Onward and upward, as they say. Now it's time for some fun, some recharging and some positive risk taking. Please stay tuned for some exciting announcements and new opportunities to be shared. In the meantime, please be well and remember every second we have here is a true gift.
More Notes to Self: A Relationship A-ha Moment
Just recently I had the most amazing "a-ha" moment; wonderful relationships that are meant to be grow organically. They are not relationships that you have to try and force to make happen, they just do and with ease. That's not to say that once they happen they don't require care and nurturing; all meaningful relationships require special care in order to grow, BUT the care and nurturing of the relationship should not feel like work. The care and nurturing should be something that is enjoyed and something that feeds both people, as well as the relationship. This "a-ha" is pivotal for me, as it will serve as a wonderful awareness builder by which to take stock; are there any relationships in my life that feel forced? Are there any that are zapping energy rather than feeding energy? Are there any that I have just plain outgrown?
Honest inventory and letting go time. Won't you join me in taking stock of the relationships in your life? Remember, my dear friends, in order to create room for things that nurture you as a person and support you in being your best, you have to clear some space and that includes in the relationship department. By letting go of the relationships that feel forced or zap our energy, we can then create the space for the relationships that grow and flourish with ease. Happy Relationship Growing!
Feeling It Real
"Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."- Dinah Shore
First, I wish to apologize for my absence as of late. Things have been rather topsy-turvy and I will be honest, I have found myself wondering whether I have been coming or going. To explain; a few weeks ago I received the sad news that my ex-hubby was diagnosed with cancer. With that news came the reality that we had to share that with our 14 year old son. Damn, if that fine young man didn't handle the news better than his mother. He was positive, optimistic, and rather hopeful while I (out of his view) fell to pieces.
Now, for those of you who know me really well, you also know that I usually try to put a positive spin on everything. Not as a form of denial, but because I truly do believe that out of every difficult situation comes some good, some form of learning that makes us better people. (A little secret: I also have a bad habit of not wanting to burden anyone with my troubles, and what's worse, I somehow got it my head that I have to present a "I've got it all together" front even if inside I'm knotted and not feeling at my best). What I didn't realize is that by holding things in, by "acting" as if I have it all together, and by not asking for support I have been...
- Making others feel inadequate
- Not allowing anyone to step up and support me, and share their gifts
- Inadvertently being deceptive (not consciously, really)
- Stifling my own growth
- Not letting go of the feelings
Old habits die hard, let me tell you. Regardless, I have made a new promise to myself, to feel it real. It's OK to let others know that I'm in pain and need a bit of support. I have tried it and people have been wonderful. The support has been amazing and as a matter of fact, others have shared their feelings as well. I've even had a few folks thank me for being so honest and allowing them to render support. So far no one has said, "Hey, Pam...get your shit together, will ya?" OR "Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?"
So dear ones, if you take away anything from this post, I hope it's the message to feel it real and let others step up to support and share their gifts too! Love to all of you and I will look forward to connecting with you again soon.
Never Forget Your Worth
A dear, wonderful person who I love and respect a lot sent the following to me. Frankly, it couldn't have come at a better time. We all need a reminder (from time-to-time) that we are worth a hell of a lot. I pass this along to all of you (men and women alike) so that you will hopefully be reminded that your worth is priceless!
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Beauty Radiates from the Inside Out
I'm a firm believer that beauty does radiate from the inside out. Over the past 42 years I have met some really beautiful people, beautiful not because they had the perfect body and flawless face, but beautiful because they had the most amazing hearts possible. They were kind, loving, giving, respectful and supportive of others, full of integrity...oh, the list which makes up my own definition of inner beauty could go on.
Sadly, this week I seemed to forget about the importance of inner beauty. I will admit that I stood in a place of terrible judgment. I was extremely critical of a person that does have a giving heart and a passion for sharing love and kindness with others. So by my own definition of inner beauty that person is a beautiful person. Instead of remembering that, I took one look at her image and then began the following dialog:
"Oh my goodness! You are line backer material and those bags under your eyes, well, they're sad! There is not another person on this planet who will find you attractive now."
With those hurtful words, the light quickly faded from her hazel eyes. The happy look on her face was replaced with a look of hurt and sadness. What's worse, her inner beauty was stifled and quickly hidden in the shadows of the negative thoughts.
I owe that person a huge apology and since I know she is reading this post, I will publicly apologize to her.
Pam, I am terribly sorry for the nasty things I said to you. I wish I could take them back, because not only were they unfair, but they were unkind, and not true. From here on out I am making the promise not to stand in judgment of you, but rather celebrate the beautiful person you are and the wonderful things you bring to the world.
My friends, I hope you too will take this to heart and remember, beauty truly does radiate from the inside out so it's important to not snuff the internal beauty you possess with self-deprecating comments. You are beautiful. We all are!!
Leggo My Ego
This weekend I was absolutely shattered so I took some time to recharge and relax. Part of my recharge time was to watch Hay House Films new movie featuring Dr. Wayne Dyer called Ambition to Meaning; Finding Your Life's Purpose. Not only did I walk away feeling inspired and energized, but I came away with a few powerful messages that I can't help but share.
1) Dr. Dyer talked quite a bit about ego and how ego often drives us. While I believe that whole-heartedly, what really hit me was the acronym he used to define ego;
Whether you believe in God, Buddha, a higher power, (fill in the blank), one thing is clear when we become disconnected from our source, the energy that helps us to stay present and grounded, that is when our ego comes out to play. When ego drives us we then get trapped in the notion that the more we have the more successful we are, the more powerful we seem, the more important we appear. It becomes a never ending cycle which in turn can renders us vulnerable to all sorts of fear (fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of success). I was then reminded of something very important, it's not how much you have that defines you, it's who you are at your core (your heart) that does.
2) When we come from a place of "How can I serve?" not only are we detached from the outcome (being attached to the outcome is another symptom of ego), but we come from a place of abundance, giving and receiving. To give you an example, when I focus on how many clients I wish to have and how much money I wish to make, the phone stops ringing. When I shift my focus to my purpose, to why I am coaching (how I can serve others) the phone rings. Coincidence? I think not. That's not to say that I am not clear on how many clients I want in my practice or what I wish to make each month, I am..it's just not my focus. Instead of focusing on lack (basically) I am focusing on what I can and do give which helps me to stay present and open to all the potentials available.
3) One of my favorite lines from the movie was, "Don't die with the music still in you." That line serves as a great reminder to not allow my ego to get in the way and hold me back from taking chances, putting myself out there, and stepping outside my comfort zone. I don't want to look back over my life only to realize that I still have some music left in me to be shared and played.
My friends, if you have not had chance to watch this movie, please give yourself a treat and do. For now, your's truly is going to "leggo my ego".
Sailing Or Docked At Port?
"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. " - Grace Murray Hopper.
As you all know I'm a quote junkie and so in my quest to find more quotes to add to my quote library I stumbled upon this little jewel. What a great reminder! It has actually forced me to take a good look at that the things I want in my life; have I set sail on them or am I still at port anchored firmly? Well, let me see...
1) To have a thriving coaching practice. - Sailing
2) To give back to others and support them in finding their voice - Sailing
3) To teach at the collegiate level - Still at port (Time to chart my course and pull up anchor)
4) To create a loving, healthy, passionate relationship with an amazing man - About to embark and pull away from port (Check in with me over the next few months. )
5) To travel more - Still at port
6) To earn an income that allows me to support my family comfortably and give back to the community - Sailing and continuing to chart the course
7) To redecorate and continue to turn my home into my dream home - Sailing slowly, but have faith that all will continue to fall into place.
8) To dare to live out loud - Definitely Sailing
What's cool.. I'm farther along than I thought. Man, am I grateful for all the amazing opportunities experienced and the adventures just on the horizon!! There is something to be said for reflecting; it truly does show us where we are sailing and where we may need to just pull up anchor and let the wind carry us along.
Sh*t! I Thought I Had Mastered That!
Have you heard the saying, "The Universe only puts in front of you the things that you have yet to master?" Well, that's a saying that smacked me upside the forehead today. There was an issue from my past, it's an issue that I thought I had mastered. I thought I had let it go. I thought had forgiven, but not forgotten. Come to find out I didn't master it, nor let it go, and not only had I not forgotten it, but I guess I hadn't forgiven either.
What kills me is not that I hadn't mastered this issue, it's that I allowed this issue to potentially drive a wedge between myself and someone I love dearly. I allowed my own residual anger to get in the way of being the supportive and loving person that I want to be in this situation. Frankly, not only was I still pissed off at the past situation and the person (come to find out), but I was pissed off at myself for allowing it to get in the way. So I did something that I suggest to my clients when past issues leave some residue; I wrote a letter that will never get sent. In that letter I puked out all the things that I was angry about and then I destroyed it.
In doing so I allowed myself to get as angry as I wanted (without involving anyone else). I allowed myself to say whatever it was I needed to say and without guilt. Now, I am holding myself to moving forward and keeping the awareness created by this morning's situation. As James Arthur Ray once said, "Holding on to past anger and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I refuse to continue to drink the poison and I refuse to allow it to cloud the good.
For the Love of Learning: More Notes to Self
I'm a firm believer that from awareness comes choice. It's from the choices that we make that we change and growth and I'm all over that! This last weekend I became more aware of the following:
1) When you show up as yourself and have fun, others want to participate in that fun. Think about it, aren't you more attracted to someone who exudes fun rather than the opposite?
2) Being catty and judgmental of others doesn't make one attractive. As a matter of fact, it has just the opposite effect. Judging others is often a sign of insecurity and it truly does block the flow of fun.
3) Everyone has different tastes in what they like/prefer. That means that you don't have to be someone you're not or kill yourself trying to look like someone other than yourself. All you have to do is be your most authentic, genuine, and loving self. Why? Because there is someone (if not many someones) who will love you just as you are.
4) Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love; love for others, but most importantly, love for yourself. Truly loving yourself is a great way to bring more love to you.
My friends, embrace and love who you are, because there is not another wonderful soul like you. I know that is what I will be focusing on from here on forward.
P.S. Many thanks to all my wonderful readers and friends for promoting the free e-course Getting Your Groove On; 10 Kick Ass Ways to Supercharge Your Life. The response has been overwhelming and I am truly grateful.
From My Heart to Yours
(Side Note: For those that also read Make the Most of U, I apolgize for the redundancy.)
You can't turn on the news, tune in the radio, or even go to your local coffee shop without hearing about how tough things are. It's all the buzz and can be rather overwhelming and consuming. I understand the feelings created by the messages we are hearing and I'm heartsick by the fear and hurt those messages are creating. They are holding many back, stopping people from truly living, blocking the flow of fun, and draining our energy.
Call me an idealist or tell me that I have my head in the sand, that is fine, but I refuse to believe that there isn't goodness out there, fun to be had, opportunities to be explored, hearts to connect with, awesome people to meet, and potentials to consider. I'm not going to believe that we are self destructing and all is lost. Instead I would like to ask you to join me in creating a positive change and help to turn things around at the personal level.
I want to support you and I want to support others in amping up the energy, building more confidence, and creating more positives! In order to do just that I've created a free e-course called Getting Your Groove On: 10 Kick Ass Ways to Supercharge Your Life.
Why is it free? What's the catch?
It's free because I want to give back. I want give back to my community, to the people that I care about and to those they care about, heck to the world at large. I want people to feel empowered, to find their voices again without fear of obligation other than the obligation that they make to themselves to keep moving forward and to being the very best they can be.
My friends, we all have so many amazing positive qualities, skills, and attributes and it is time to bring them forward. It is time to stop the fear, to stop the negativity, and to create a more positive and loving world...that starts with each of us individually. So please, I'm asking you to accept this e-course as my gift to you in support of doing just that. The only thing I ask is that you share this gift with others so that we may continue to stay strong and be the amazing, loving people we were meant to be and are. Won't you help? You have the power to make a difference.
Much Love and Peace to you...
Notes to Self: Lessons Learned
If I have learned anything at all, the one thing I have learned is to pay attention to the lessons presented or else they will keep reappearing until you do. Here are just a few lessons placed in front of me most recently and I hope to have mastered them.
1. When you are truly ready to let go of anything that no longer works for you, fits you, or is in alignment with the person you are, releasing is not as scary as it may seem and is actually rather freeing.
2. Acknowledgment is wonderful and we all want/need to be acknowledged, but not at the risk of compromising our own integrity.
3. It's OK to stand out rather than fit in. Standing out helps to demonstrate that there are other options available.
4. When there is a block or a feeling of frustration, the best thing you can do is let go, be present, ready to take action, and see what bubbles to the surface.
5. Practicing patience isn't as easy as it looks, but worth it.
6. One can still offer support without getting involved in the drama. And the last was something my own coach shared with me...
7. "Wanna make God laugh? Share your plans with him/her." (Translation=See # 4.)
Thank you all for reading and for allowing me to continue to share. Have a wonderful week!
Every Single Second Is Precious
As an adult I have come to terms with the fact that time goes by rather quickly. How in a blink of an eye years will pass where one minute it seems that you are this small child climbing trees and making mud pies and then in time warp fashion you are all grown up with a home, a child, and adult responsibilities. What I had not truly come to terms with was just how quickly time changes the things we hold so near and dear and sometimes take for granted. To explain...
I am very blessed to have one of my two parents live in the same city as I do. While I miss seeing my mom on a regular basis it is lovely to be nearby my dad. The other night I was shuffling through some pictures while at a party that my dad was throwing for some of his cigar and pipe smoking friends. As I looked at each one it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks; my dad is no longer the man that I see in my mind's eye. Years have replaced his dark hair with grey (as it does), time has left it's calling card in the form of wrinkles (again, as it does). Age and arthritis have replaced the spring in his step with some slowness and pain. None of this comes as any great surprise, the surprise was the impact that reality setting in had.
And in comes my head on collision with reality...
On the drive home my son and I were talking about time and how quickly it goes when all the sudden I burst into tears. Why? Because it was at that moment that I TRULY realized that my adorable dad, with his warm smile and penchant for story telling is indeed getting older. My sweet son in his reassuring way turned to me and said, "Mom, don't cry. Grandpa is going to be with us for at least 25 years." (You see, I made my dad promise that he would live to be 95 and I know he will because he has NEVER broken a promise to me.) My response through tears went something like this, "Yes I know, Honey, but 25 years, while it used to seem like a life time when I was a kid, as an adult 25 years is just a blink of an eye. The last 25 years for me has gone by in lightening speed and that is why we need to take advantage of every single second of every single day."
And we do. And I need to. I don't want moments to slip by where I didn't tell someone I care about just how special they are to me. I don't want to look back over the course of 25 years and realize that I missed out on opportunities to share the good stuff with the people I love most.
Starting today, I am making a commitment to treat time as the precious commodity it is by...
... being as present and in the moment as I possibly can.
...leaving past hurt in the past.
...and making damned sure that I don't take for granted the time I have with people that I hold so near and dear, that I let them know as often as possible just how much I love and care for them.
My dear friends and readers, time truly waits for no one so I hope you will join me in your own commitment to make the most of every moment. Please don't waste any time. Please treat every moment as precious, because in a blink of eye it truly does fly by.
Much love and peace to all of you.
Share Some Love
“It's not about how much you do, but how much love you put into what you do that counts.” - Mother Theresa
One of my intentions for the New Year (since I don't make resolutions) is to approach my day from the most loving place possible. I have found (most recently, actually) that by approaching my day (including situations, stress, even hurt feelings) with love my day flows in a much more positive vein. I don't get caught up in any drama, things that might appear annoying on the surface don't ruffle my feathers; frankly, I'm just a happier person all together.
At this point you may be asking; "Oh, that's nice, Pam...but what the heck do you mean that you approach your day from love?" The best way I can answer this question is to give you an example.
Recently, I have been dealing with a situation that has had me a bit topsy turvy; my gut has been tied in knots and I have found myself on a few occassions getting emotionally upset at the most inopportune times. The emotional rollercoaster and topsy turvyness of it all had to stop, because it was interfering with the positives I was creating and it was distracting me from seeing any of the potentials that were in front of me.
To stop the knot tying and the ups and downs, I decided to send love to those involved just by saying to myself, "I am sending you love and much happiness." Doing something that simple took the emotional charge away and stopped the roller coaster ride. I also had the opportunity to try this new little technique in traffic and it worked. Someone cut me off, as I was in a hurry to get home, and rather than get upset and call the person a "stupid jackass" I said, "I send you love and well wishes for getting to your destination safely." Wow! What a difference it made! As a matter of fact, the person who cut me off switched lanes and cleared the way so I could drive ahead.
So the next time you find yourself emotionally charged over something or someone, try sending out some love.
Daring to Dream and Dream Big
My latest vision board. :) It was great fun to make. In 2009 I am not only daring to dream big, but I am daring to live out loud, to be a rock star in own life, and to take chances. What are your visions for this New Year? If you have a vision board, take a picture and post a link to it; I would love to see it.
I'd Rather Have A Wrinkled Face
"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul." - Douglas MacArthur
Yep, it's true. I would rather have a wrinkled face than a wrinkled soul. The older I get the more I realize how quitting is not (or should not be) an option for me. HOWEVER, in pondering this thought-provoking quote I am now wondering, can putting off and pushing things to the side for a later time equate to quitting? If so then I have been a quitter in a big way.
Sure, I know that life sometimes gets in the way of the best intentions and goals. And yes, I am aware that other pressing projects sometimes take priority over "want to dos", but I am NOT willing to let myself off the hook that easily. I have things that I want to do, things that are important, things that are meant to be priorities for me. So, what the hell is truly getting in the way?
No, I'm not going to accept (as an answer) that life got in the way or that other projects forced me to squeeze out my own priorities. That is bull and I know it. The bottom line, I have been scared. Yes, you heard me right, scared. Scared that what I wish to accomplish will be rejected or never take off. Ummm, hello, Pam...if I don't do, if I don't try then I have rejected my own intentions and goals, then I have never allowed them to take off. Basically, I have quit.
Dear readers and friends, I assure you that I have not lost my mind. What you have just witnessed is an "aha moment" in action. Here before you, I am announcing that I am NOT going to gain another wrinkle on my soul. Nope! No way! With the New Year fast approaching along with my 42nd year on this planet, I am stating firmly and with conviction that the things I have pushed aside (i.e. a new empowerment ecourse to name but one thing on the horizon) WILL see the light of day. They will, you just wait and see!!
It is my hope that you will join me in eliminating, reducing, and avoiding any wrinkles on your soul. Together, let's hold each other accountable in getting the things that are important to us done. Who's with me?
Seeking Mottos, Quotes, and Sayings With a Kick
As you know I love quotes, sayings, and mottos. I collect them like others collect stamps, coins, baseball cards, and figurines. Just recently a dear friend of mine sent me the following:
The Powerful Women's Motto: Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says...'Oh shit...she's awake!!'
Not only did this one make me laugh, but it reminded me of my intention to live out loud, to not take one thing for granted, and to go all out. Life really is too short to sweat the small stuff. It doesn't serves me to live small. It's time to continue truly living full out, to give all that I have to give, to love large, to share positive feelings and thoughts like they are going out of style, and to be one powerful woman. Yep. that's what I got from that awesome little motto.
Do you have a favorite quote, motto, or saying that inspires you to take action? If you do, please share them here; together let's compile one heck of a list of mottos, sayings, and quotes with a kick to inspire, ignite, and empower.
Reflective Notes to Self
The holidays for me are often a time of reflection. A time when I take stock of all that I have and all that I have accomplished. They are also a time to prepare for the new year to come. So without further ado I wish to share a few thoughts that have been swirling around in preparation of my reflective time.
1) Always be true to yourself and your feelings. Doing anything less does not support complete forward moment.
2) Never EVER underestimate the power of love and never deny it. To deny it is to deny an important part of oneself; your heart.
3) Be in the moment always and have faith that whatever is meant to be will be. Doing so really takes the pressure off.
4) Always share and give from the heart with no expectations or strings attached. Sharing and giving with strings attached takes the joy and brillance out of what is being shared.
5) And last, a beautiful quote by Erica Jong that speaks volumes, "Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."
Peace and love be with all of you.
Light A Candle, Don't Snuff It Out
"You've put on a few pounds."
"If your parents divorce it's your fault."
"You're nothing but a little slut who will be pregnant by the time she is 14."
"You're a slob. No one is ever going to want to marry you."
Those were things I heard growing up and re-reading them doesn't hurt any more. There is no emotional charge, no bitterness, or anger. There used to be a time when they hurt like hell, when they forced me to doubt my own worthiness. Today I think of them as a blessing; those words, albeit hurtful taught me a few things:
1) To never say anything remotely similar to my own child.
2) That I am a strong woman who can overcome even the most hurtful situations.
3) How important it is to be a loving and caring person.
Just recently I was reminded of my experiences, as I was having a conversation with a friend. We were discussing how sometimes we say things (whether we mean to or not) that really sting. My friend then shared the following; "It is our job to light people's candles, not to snuff them out".
WOW! She is absolutely right. Let's face it, you can say you are sorry for something said, but you can never take those words back. Once they are said, they are out there. As a coach, a mom, a friend, a daughter, it is my job to support others' candles to burn brightly, not to snuff them out. No, wait...it's not just my job, it's a heartfelt desire and commitment.
With that said, I am going to continue to:
1) Not say things out of anger or hurt, but rather step away and regroup.
2) Always come from my heart; that's where all the good stuff resides any way.
3) If I must share something difficult with someone, I will share it from a place of compassion and use constructive words, rather destructive ones.
I want to be a candle lighter, not a candle snuffer. Won't you join me in making this world a brighter place by lighting a few candles yourself?
Growing Pains Strike Again
Do you know what happens the instant I become a brand new "someone," Pam? You know, the moment I begin to play, grow, and become more than I was, within the jungles of time and space? I feel alone, disconnected, like I'm missing something. Even though I'm none of those things. And neither are you.
Rock on, loveable -
Such a timely message! As I mentioned in my post over on Make the Most of U, yesterday was one of those days where the crappy feelings were running high. Yes, I know there is fear and a lot of negativity swirling around all of us, but I also know that I am at the pinnacle of change, just teetering on the edge. This may sound odd and maybe a bit "wooowooo" to some (which is cool with me), but something big (and positively so) is about to take place. All the signs are pointing in that direction and I cannot ignore it. So rather than get caught up in the negative energy floating around, I am chalking up some of what I have been feeling to growing pains.
Now is the time to focus my energy on creating that "big stuff" and that is exactly what I am hell bent on doing. Stay tuned, my friends...stay tuned.
I Like (err..need) Attention
This is so hard for me to admit, but I recently woke up to the fact that I like (err...need) attention. Yes, it's true I like (err..need) to have positive attention and positive strokes. At this point you might be asking the question, "Who doesn't?" but let me explain by sharing an example. Last night at my son's marching band performance they did a 50/50 raffle where part of the proceeds would go to the band and the other part to the person who won the raffle. I bought a ticket, not with the intention of keeping the money if I won, but with the intention of donating the money back to the band. OK, so where does the attention come in?
The thought ran through my head of how cool it would be to be acknowledged (in public) for the kind act of donating the winnings. Yes, that's right, that's the thought I had. The next thought I had was, "Holy shit! If that is your reason for donating, then you are donating for the wrong reason! This should NOT be about you, Pam!"
Did I win? No, and frankly, with my attitude I'm not sure I should have. That's when I woke to the realization that I like (OK, need!) attention and from that I was reminded of a few things.
- I was reminded that it is important to do things because you want to, not because you are seeking attention. Giving should ALWAYS come from the heart and not from the need for attention.
- I was reminded that I do like attention and that is OK, but that I can find other ways, better ways, to fulfill that need for attention. (Then it no longer is a need).
- I was reminded that I need to be more aware of this need for attention because from awareness comes choice; how I choose to show up.
So from this day forward, when I feel the need for attention, I am going to...
- Ask for hug.
- Say something nice to myself about myself.
- Look inward.
- Be gracious.
- Remind myself that to give authentically means to be detached from any outcome. Give with no expectations.
Phew, there you have it. As always, I am open to any thoughts, words of wisdom, or strategies that have worked for you when you need attention.
Who Cares What Others Think!
Every week my son has band practice and during this last practice our band director (BD) announced that his mother was dying so he may have to be away for a few days. At the end of practice my son told me that he needed to talk with BD. BD was talking with another parent so my son waited patiently until he was finished. When he was done my son said to him, "Mr. BD, I am sorry about your mom. Could you use a hug?" He then gave BD a big squeeze and told him that he hoped all went well with the funeral. As we were walking to the car my son put his arm around me and said, "I don't care if anyone saw me give BD a hug and I don't care what they think if they did. I thought he could use one."
Why am I sharing this story?
It's not because I am completely and utterly proud of my son, because I am (more than words can express). I share this story because, for me, it serves as a wonderful reminder just how important it is to go with our hearts and not worry about what others think. When we do we are no longer being held hostage by other people's thoughts and opinions. We are being true to who we are and we are making a difference. So my friends, follow your hearts without fear that others will think you are weak, silly, strange, odd, (you fill in the blank). And remember, it truly is none of your business what others think of you. It is your business what you think of you.
The Universe Does Conspire
Don't you just love it when you get those little synchronistic messages handed to you as if someone is trying to say, "Hey, I get it and I am right there with you."? Today was one of those days for me. As a subscriber to Tut's daily Notes from the Universe, I received the following message; (Bit o' background; one of things I would like to do is redecorate my home, putting down wood floors and repainting the inside, hence the reference.)
What happens when someone worries? Basically, they think of 100 reasons why something might go wrong. And all of those thoughts then struggle to become things, sometimes overriding their more constructive thoughts. It's like a train wreck. Ain't pretty. But that's the power of worry. Now, let's say you want something fantastic to manifest in your life, Pam. Hypothetically, let's say you want a to redecorate your home; repainting and putting down wood floors. (I know you.) Have you sat down yet and listed 100 reasons why it might come to you easily, fast, and harmoniously? I think you should. Today works, The Universe
What a wonderful reminder that if I want something badly enough, rather than worry about how, rather than go to the place of "Oh, I could never", or rather than sit in the Land of Fear of Failure I can do something much more positive and list all the reasons why I can achieve. Yipppeee, just another great exercise to add to my "re-wiring my brain" arsenal. Thank you, Universe and Tut.com.
I'm Not Pondering My Navel
Nope, not one bit. I am pondering the following questions and what I can do in response.
1)Where has some of the common courtesy gone?
Yesterday, I was at Costco and it was packed (as it usually is on a weekend). People were blocking aisle ways to stand in line for the free food samples, cutting one another off without even so much as an “excuse me”. It was a sad and frustrating sight to see. For goodness sake, is being rude worth a tiny taste of one of the latest specials?
While I cannot control what others do I will commit myself to continuing to be kind and considerate of others. That means letting someone merge into traffic in front of me even when I am in a hurry. I will still look behind me in the grocery store line to see if the person behind me has less items than I do and let them go ahead of me. I will smile and say “good morning” to the people I pass as I am going into the gym. Yep, that's what I will do.
2)Why are kids so mean?
My son, who just started his first year of high school, has fallen prey (once again) to some bullying. Kids are asking if he smokes pot or are calling him a “stoner” because of his long, curly hair and allergy-induced red eyes. It breaks my heart.
While I cannot go to school with him and fight his battles I can continue to love him unconditionally. I can continue to empower him to ignore the sniping comments and to take great pride in himself and in the fact that those comments couldn't be farther from the truth. I can continue to show him and tell him what a great young man he really is, and support him in keeping his sense of self intact.
3)Why is it necessary to squash someone else's spirit in order to build one's own up?
I don't get it. There isn't a person on this planet who is not blessed with wonderful qualities and abilities. There is more than enough good stuff to go around, so is it absolutely necessary to make another person feel inferior or less of a person in order to build one's self up?
While I may not get it, I will tell you this..I am committed to not squashing someone else's spirit, dream, or desire. I will not engage in gossip or negative discussion about another person and I will do my utmost to continue to ask, “How can I add value to someone else's life or the world in general?”
What questions are you pondering and what will you commit to doing?
Naming It and Claiming It
Just recently I took this great little online course called Life as a Daymaker. To make a long story short, as a part of the course you had to list your ideas/goals. Then you had to write down who you needed to BE, what you needed to DO, and what you needed to HAVE in order to bring those things from ideas/goals to reality. The kicker, not only did you have to write your ideas/goals down, but you had to share them with someone else, so guess what? I’m naming them and claiming them right here, right now for the entire world to see.
FUN IDEA NUMERO UNO: To organize and facilitate five Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward/Empowerment group coaching programs each month with no more than 10 participants in each.
Who I need to BE: strong, courageous, fun, and engaging
What I need to DO: schedule the programs and then share the dates with the world
What I need to HAVE: faith and trust in my own abilities to make it happen, referrals
AWESOME IDEA NUMBER TWO: To teach empowerment coaching courses at the collegiate level.
Who I need to BE: willing to take a chance and put my idea out there
What I need to DO: develop an outline to send to chosen colleges and then send it
What I need to HAVE: confidence and persistence
FAB IDEA NUMBER THREE: Become involved in a women’s empowerment/coaching organization as a coach and trainer.
Who I need to BE: Daring and courageous
What I need to DO: Research groups, draft an e-mail, and make contact (I already made contact with one since writing this idea in my journal…woooohoo!!)
What I need to HAVE: referrals, confidence, and persistence.
COOL IDEA NUMBER FOUR: Be a daymaker every day.
Who I need to BE: loving and giving to others as well as myself
What I need to DO: speak and give from my heart without expectations
What I need to HAVE: a heart that I’m not afraid to share. (Have it already – that makes it easy.)
SEMI SCARY, BUT EXCITING IDEA NUMBER FIVE: To develop a loving, healthy, fun, romantic relationship with an amazing man.
Who I need to BE: loving (especially to myself), open to the possibilities, confident, aware, and vulnerable (in a good way)
What I need to DO: put myself out there
What I need to HAVE: a positive and open attitude, and faith that when the time is right that wonderful person will appear.
Phew, that wasn’t so bad. So folks, what wonderful ideas do you want to name and claim? There is no better time than the present!! Join me, won’t you because there is nothing more fun than creating with others.
The Changing Role of a Parent; a Time of Growth
I woke up anxious as hell this morning. The anxiety was not work related, nor was it related to having to say farewell to a relaxing weekend. I was anxious because it was the first day of high school band camp for my son (he is a freshman). As I stumbled to the kitchen to make my first cup of coffee, wise words of my dear friend Michelle played in my head; remember not to transfer my feelings on to my son. I need to afford him the gift of creating his own experience. (Thank you, Michelle!) Along with those wise words came a flood of memories; his first smile, the first time he said “Ma Ma”, his first day of Kindergarten. There have been many firsts and with each has come a new parental role or way of being with my son, as well as growth.
This morning was really no different, as far as firsts go…ok, who am I kidding? It was different. Here was this bright, confident young man (who now stands taller than me), embarking on a new journey and my role was not to stay and make sure he got settled in. As a matter of fact, when I went to check to make sure he had everything he needed his response was, “See you later, Mom.” It was at that moment that it was clear, my role was to continue to be supportive and loving, but to untie the apron strings and let him stand straight and tall without the aid of those strings.
We have taken a turn, my son and I, in our journey together. He has become more self-sufficient (which is what you hope for as a parent) and so he does not need me in the same way he once did (which I know is a good thing). While my parental role is changing (once again) and a new growing pain has presented itself, there is one thing that will forever be a constant; how much I love that young man and how very proud I am of him. He is a blessing and a gift and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for helping me to not only grow as a parent, but as a person.
A New Ritual Has Been Born
I had a flipping huge “a-ha” moment this very second as I was contemplating what to share with all of you. This moment was spurred by something a student of mine shared in class. What he shared made sense and was rather inspiring, but it didn’t really hit me until I began reflecting on it. He shared that he is now focusing more on the value he could add to each day rather than focusing on what he was going to gain. He realized that once he shifted his focus good things began to happen.
Powerful, isn’t it? Wanna know what else is powerful? Re-examining your own actions under that wonderful little magnifying glass. (This is where my “a-ha” comes in; entrance stage right.) In doing so I am NOW (in this very moment) aware that it is no coincidence that my practice has filled up nicely, it’s no coincidence that the group coaching program is so filled with energy, love, and fun, it’s no coincidence that I am truly enjoying teaching, and it’s certainly no coincidence that my friendships with some of the most amazing people have deepened.
I just now realized (OK, so I can be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes) that over the past few months my focus changed too; from outcome to value adding. I have detached from the outcome of numbers, results, and validations; instead I really have been focusing on the value I need and want to give. I also realized that when I go to that place of results, I struggle a bit more and things don’t flow as easily.
Wooooooooooooooohooooooooo! I love “a-has” and many thanks to my student for placing this beautiful tidbit on my radar screen!! I think I will start a new daily ritual in honor of it by asking myself, “What value can I add today?” Anyone care to join me in this new ritual?
More Uber Cool Notes to Self
1) Never under estimate the power of the heart and never doubt its wisdom.
2) A group of powerful women can raise the roof and move mountains.
3) Group coaching/empowering other women to be their beautiful, powerful selves is not only amazing, but it really is my calling.
4) It’s always important to walk your walk and not just talk the talk, which also means being vulnerable.
5) Hearts cannot truly soar when they are locked in a gilded cage. Besides life is too damned short not to love fully, even one’s own self.
At this time I wish to thank the wonderful women in the Will Real the Real YOU Please Step Forward Group Coaching Program for sharing so freely and for their commitment to bringing their authentic, powerful, and amazing selves forward. The world is definitely a better place for having all of you in it.
Claiming My Independence
In the United States this is the weekend when we celebrate Independence Day or America’s birthday. To be honest, I have been too tired to join in the festivities, (Dad had knee replacement surgery so my energy has been with him and his healing process), but not too tired to ask myself the following question; “What do I wish to gain independence from and what am I willing to do?”
Gut check time!
I am ready to get rid of some limiting beliefs that are still taking occupancy; for example, the limiting belief that I am not attractive enough (a.k.a good enough) to have the relationship of my dreams. OK, I think I have hidden behind this one long enough. So what am I willing to do about it? I am willing to see it for what it is; a limiting belief that is no longer serving me. I have no need to hide. I do, however, need to pay more attention to the good things I bring to the table, especially when my limiting belief comes into play.
My own self-inflicted limitations, for example, I really want to begin teaching at the collegiate level, but I have been procrastinating and not giving 100% effort to this endeavor. There is nothing standing in my way, but me. What am I willing to do about this? Continue writing letters and making phone calls, as well as reminding myself that I have more to gain than I do to lose. I also need to remind myself that if I do not get a response, it’s NOT personal.
Not taking as good care of myself as I should. This means I need to eat better (more veg and fruit), get more sleep, drink more water, and take a 10 minute break during my day just to be silent. I am already working out at the gym, but I can’t expect to reap the full benefits if I am not doing the other things that support good self care.
Whether you live in the States or in another country I hope you will join me in claiming your own independence from the things that are not serving you well. So the BIG question is... what are you willing to gain independence from and what will you do to free yourself?
Carefree With Childlike Enthusiasm
I was recently reminded how powerful being carefree with childlike enthusiasm can be. (Childlike enthusiasm =The squealing, tummy tickling enthusiasm that a child exhibits/feels when they are doing something really fun.) Friday night I met a few of my girlfriends for cocktails. The evening started out with laughter, a good martini, yummy appetizers, funny jokes, and light banter ...then all of the sudden (without warning) the course of the conversation changed and we began talking about much heavier topics; our “stuff”. With the change in topic came a change in atmosphere; what was once light and frothy became heavy and sad.
To lighten the mood (after some tears were shed), we decided it would be fun to get some ice cream and sit in this little courtyard/fountain area where children were playing and keeping cool. We sat and watched the children for quite a while, laughing, squealing, and splashing around. It was a beautiful sight to see; sweet little faces smiling and laughing.
What happened next was just as wonderful; three of the five women decided to kick off their shoes and run through the fountain, leaving the other two sitting in hysterics and choking on their ice cream.
Here were five incredible women ages ranging from 41 to 53, who moments before were all digging through, probing, exploring, and struggling with their own “stuff”, now having the time of their lives. Here were these women playing in a fountain (fully dressed), acting as only carefree children do, laughing, playing, getting wet, and just being their glorious childlike selves.
It was at that moment that I remembered...That's what it's all about. Those precious moments in time to let go, to release, to stop thinking, analyzing, beating up self, to just be, to be like a child.
To my amazing girlfriends,I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I thank you for being you. For being bright lights and for taking a moment to stop and be carefree with childlike enthusiasm.
To my wonderful readers, I have a request for you (should you choose to accept it, of course), take some time out of your day today and connect with your own childlike enthusiasm; go run through the sprinkle, do a belly flop in the pool, skip down the sidewalk, or blow bubbles. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it tickles your belly and makes you want to squeal like a child having fun.
I became aware of something this week, I am still not very good at receiving compliments. I don't mean that when I receive one that I'm rude and don't say “thank you”, I do. Despite my saying “thank you”, in the back of my mind there is a little voice that says, “Who me? Are you kidding?” And if I'm being totally honest, that detracts from the compliment.
When I did some more exploring with my own coach, (who thank from the bottom of my heart for the wonderful support!) I found that there were two things at play around my discomfort with receiving:
1)The message of not being deserving of good things. (Yep, still working on that one).
2)The fear that I will develop a severe case of cranial rectitus. (Translation = I will get so used to the compliments that my head will find its way up my backside and I will stop appreciating them.)
The second point is a doozy. I DON'T EVER wish to take a compliment for granted. I DON'T EVER wish to lose that humbling feeling I get when I receive a compliment. So what's a woman to do?
Well, first make a promise to her coach to be open to receiving. (That always does it, because like any good coach she doesn't let me get away with anything.) Second, be aware...be very aware when I am shying away from the compliment. And third, treat every compliment as a gift carefully chosen by the giver. If I am open to receiving, aware, and then treat every compliment as a gift, I can't help to receive it graciously and in the spirit in which it was given.
I would also love (and be VERY open) to hearing from all of you. How do you “handle” compliments? How do you receive them? I truly look forward to your amazing insights and thoughts.
Other Super Cool Notes to Self
1) Being a lifelong learner is an awesome thing! I never want to stop learning and being receptive to the lessons that life and the Universe have to share.
2) Success and/or one's greatness is an individual “thing”; it should never be defined by someone else.
3) I don't have to get “hooked” into someone else's drama; that's a choice I make.
4) Shameless plugs aren't really shameless. If you don't ask, you don't get so why not ask, right?
5) Water is a great conduit for awesome thoughts. If you don't believe me the next time you have writer's block or feel stuck, go sit near or in water.
Have an awesome week everyone!!
I Am Here Right Now
This past week was my son’s 8th grade graduation and I could not be more proud of him. As I watched him walk up to the stage to receive his diploma, the past almost 14 years flashed before my eyes. I had to stop and ask myself where all the time went. No longer was he a curious infant who found leaves facinating. Standing before me was a grounded and confident young man who was about to embark on another exciting journey in his life. It was at that moment that I realized just how important it is to embrace each day; to be grateful for the opportunities, experiences, and precious moments.
In a blink of an eye days, months, and even years pass, and I for one don’t want to miss out on a thing. With that said, it is my commitment right here and now to…
...never let a day go by without sharing my appreciation and gratitude for the things I have and to the people I love.
...practice being in the present moment instead of the past or the future.
...look for the good that each day holds and reflect on that good at the end of every day.
...be me, authentic, genuine, and true.
So here is to living each day one precious moment by one precious moment. What will you commit to doing?
Forever In My Heart
I just received some very sad news; a very dear friend and wonderful person passed on this morning. Her name was Elsa Burgess-Flores and in my eyes she was amazing. Elsa and I met in the early 90s when I was just starting out in AIDS education. She was a true maverick in the field, not because she lost two sons to AIDS , but because she became a major advocate of AIDS education, as well as the rights of all gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transsexuals despite and in spite of the community she lived in. Never ever did she allow the personal threats, rumors, gossip, and even vandalism stop her from educating others or sharing her compassion openly. She was committed to fighting HIV/AIDS and she was committed to fighting discrimination. And now her committed fight to cancer has come to an end.
Her passing leaves quite a hole in the heart of many so as a tribute to her and to her life, I wish to share the following...
It is with such mixed emotions that I write this; a heaviness of heart, sadness, and yet relief in knowing that you are in a better place, with your sons, with Charley, and out of pain. Words cannot begin to describe how grateful I am to you and for you. You have always been and will continue to be a bright light that not only touched my life, but touched so many others'. I am so proud of you and so proud of all that you accomplished. You were and will forever be an inspiration to us all. Please know that you have indeed made this world a much better place.
Thank you for you, for being a part of my life. For loving me as if I was your own. Thank you for sharing your spirit, your love, your tenaciousness, and even your stubbornness with me.( As I always said, you were one tough, ballsy woman and I loved you for it!) I will cherish our visits and our talks ALWAYS. I am just so very sorry that I was not able to visit you one last time, but please know that you have and will always have a special place in my heart.
I will miss you greatly, Mamacita.
I love you very much...
Finding A Cure
READER ADVISORY: The following content contains raw, unedited feelings and thoughts. Reader discretion is advised.
Ever since I was about eight years of age I can recall being EXTREMELY afraid of losing the things that were most important to me or fearing that something bad was going to happen to the people and things that were most important. And ever since that young age I have been battling that fear. Fighting it like hell, refusing to let it win or become reality.
I would try and erase the fearful thoughts, I would scream “NO!” at them, I would even try to replace them with more positive thoughts. All my efforts were just temporary ways of seeking refuge from them. No matter what I tried, no matter what I did they persisted. As I grew older and continued working on me, they became manageable, but they were still there.
My fight against them was like trying to cure a disease without knowing what was causing the disease.
Fast forward to most recent weeks; I have been really tired and when I am really tired my fears rage with full force. So one night before hitting the bed, I threw out the following question, “Why are these fears present in my life and what's at the root of them.”
The next day, was a bit tough; I was not firing on all cylinders and I was bumping up against some challenges. However, on that one day I felt as if I had a heightened awareness of my own actions and behaviors. I was aware that I was doing things that were self-sabotaging (i.e. eating foods that would thwart my weight loss efforts), I was aware of the fears, and I was aware of how small I felt. It was almost as if I was trying to make those fears a reality so that I could prove them right, and be done with it. It was in that very moment that I stopped and said, “I am done! I am tired of fighting you. Do whatever you have to do because I have nothing left to fight you with.”
And it was in that moment that I stopped fighting and that I got the answer to the question I asked the night before, “Why are these fears present in my life and what's at the root of them?”
From the time I was eight and throughout my teenage years I got the message that I was not deserving of good things. I did not deserve to be loved, I did not deserve to have nice things, I did not deserve to succeed...I deserved nothing.
It all makes sense to me now; there is a little girl still hidden inside of this grown woman who just needs to know she is OK, that is deserving of good, but most importantly that she deserves to be here.
I am happy to report that after 33 years of fighting the fears, they have lessened dramatically. That's not to say that they don't still appear in their lessened state. They do and when they do I say, (as if I were trying to soothe an eight year old child after a nightmare), “It's OK. It's all OK. You do deserve to be here and you do deserve good things.” It's a work in progress, one day at a time, no more fighting like hell and that is a good thing. As my own coach so wonderfully reminded me, our own internal self-saboteur only lives when we fight it. (Thank you, Amy!)
If this post brings up similar thoughts and feelings for you, please reach out. I am here and wanting to support you in finding a cure.
Just Me...And That's Good Enough
When I was in high school I got lost. I did not get lost in the car traveling some unknown road. I did not get lost in the mall, nor did I get lost in a daydream. I got lost when it came to being me. I was ALWAYS trying to be someone else, someone, anyone, aside from me. I felt that if I was someone other than me, I would fit in, I would be part of the popular crowd. The sad fact of the matter was I never felt that me, the real me was good enough and in focusing my attention on what others thought, I got lost.
I am 41 years of age and I have come to realize something very important, me is good enough. I should never have to be someone I am not in order to fit in, to be accepted, or to be loved. You see, I forgot that most recently. I forgot that being me, the best, most loving, kind person I can be is IMPORTANT. I forgot that I should never have to compromise who I am, and in turn my own integrity by showing up as anything other than me.
I am me, warts and all. I am me, huge heart, warm smile, and lots of love, compassion, and passion to share. I am glad I have been reminded that if that's not good enough for another that's OK, but it is good enough for me. Here's to all of us embracing our true wonderful selves and remembering that is MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH!
Oh, To Be A Loose End
Lately I have been feeling like a loose end; not very connected or grounded. With that feeling comes noise, a feeling of unsettledness, and even a bit of fear. What's worse, I lose that deep connection to my intuitive side; a side that I have come to embrace and truly love. I have been in this space before and it does not scare me, but it does frustrate the hell out me. I don't like it, but I am learning to go with it and look for the good. (For example, during these times I am even more appreciative of the times when I am most grounded and peaceful.)
So this week over on Make the Most of U I asked the following “Go Big Or Go Home Question”; Who or what do I need to be to create a peaceful and grounded life? What am I willing to do to achieve peace and become more grounded and peaceful?
I need to be a patient person. (This is a tough one for me, as patience has NEVER been my strongest suit.)
I need to be loving and compassionate, not just to others, but to myself.
I need to be aware and present so that I can catch any fear-based actions or words.
I need to be grateful.
I need to be accepting of me and be real/authentic.
I am willing to get back to mediating again at least three times a week.
I am willing to journal every night before bed.
I am willing to practice a gratitude exercise anytime fear sets in.
I am willing to take deep breathes, especially when I notice feelings of unsettledness.
I am willing to avoid getting involved in drama of any kind.
I am willing not to be judgmental of myself or others.
I am willing to avoid gossip.
Clarity is a beautiful thing. So...Who or what do you need to be to create a peaceful and grounded life? What are you willing to do to achieve peace and become more grounded and peaceful?
More Uber Cool Notes to Self
In the spirit of what seems to be my theme for the week, vulnerability, I share the following notes to self:
1) Being vulnerable as hell may be scary but it’s also character and strength building. Not to mention, you get to know a little more about YOU! Awesome, huh?
2) Getting out of my own way and letting the real me shine through allows me to come from my heart and not my head.
3) If you don’t put yourself out there and go after what you really want, you don’t get what you really want.
4) Learning does take being a bit vulnerable and that is NOT a bad thing.
5) I get to choose my moments of vulnerability – how cool is that?
P.S. As shared on Make the Most of U… In the spirit of being vulnerable I am asking for your help. It is my goal in the next two weeks to gain 100 subscribers to the Weekly Messages of YOUR Heart so together we can tune into our own hearts and really make a huge difference. If you or someone you know wants to dig a bit deeper, have a bit more fun each week, and learn something really cool about you, please consider subscribing. It is of no cost to you other than some time. Please help me to make my goal, and in turn help make this world a more loving and fun place for all. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!
Cover Me, Iím Going In
(SIDE NOTE: I wish to apologize for my absence. It started with a wonderfully relaxing vacation to visit some friends. (Thank you, Cassi and Jeff! ) Followed by a nasty cold upon my return; note to self: always drink Airborne before boarding a plane.)
My morning ritual during the weekdays is usually pretty consistent; roll out of bed, start my computer, let the dog out, make coffee, start e-mail program, grab coffee, let the dog in, and settle into my office chair. Before I dive into work or personal-related e-mails I always go directly to my “Notes from the Universe” e-mail folder.
It was a Thursday morning and with coffee in hand I read the following trinket :
Ever notice, Pam, that in the long run, those who don't eventually go "within," often go "without."
You got the power,
The Universe (www.tut.com)
I gotta tell ya, I truly look forward to my daily notes from the Universe courtesy of Tut.com. These little gems either make me really think or they make me laugh hysterically. This one was no exception. My take-away…
The more I learn, the more I coach, the more I read, the more I teach, the more I have come to know that if I want to walk my own walk, as well as manifest the good stuff I have to go within. Deep into the core of me, where all the good and not so good stuff resides. This means that I have to be willing to shift and grow from the inside out. Think about it…
I could dress up my outsides with great clothes or even plastic surgery, but let’s face it, if the inside ain’t pretty, the outside’s attractiveness will fade.
I could make boat loads of money, drive the greatest car, live in the coolest house, but if my insides aren’t happy, a big bank balance isn’t go to make me happy either.
The Universe (or Tut.com) is right, I do have the power…we all do. I have the power to choose, to change, to grow, and to go within rather than without. I choose to go within, I choose to continue to remove the stuff that does not serve me (i.e. fear of not being good enough) so that I continue to bring in and bring forth the good stuff. Won’t you join me?
Together let’s dig deep to unearth and finely tune the good stuff that is just waiting to CONSISTENTLY see the light of day. But first, let’s remove the stuff that stands in the way and does not positively serve. With that, let me ask you, what’s something you wish to eradicate from your inner core that is no longer serving you?
We have the power!!
Listen to Heart
“Follow your heart and you will never go wrong.” Those words have been dancing in my head for weeks on end. Resonating and ruminating, not by accident, not by luck, but by choice.
Lately I have learned a very valuable lesson; to look into my heart and to listen. Not just hear what my heart has to say, but truly listen. My heart tells me to no longer compromise or minimize who I am in order to fit in. My heart says to uphold and honor who I am, the real me at my core. My heart also says to have faith, not just in me, but in the fact that all I need, desire, cherish, and want will be as long as I am bold, true, and me.
Long gone are the days of being a square peg squished in a round hole. No matter how often you try to shave the corners of a square peg, it is still just that, a square peg. So my friends, with that I challenge you. I challenge you to look into your own eyes, your own hearts and cherish all that you are. No more focusing on all that you aren’t, because all that you are is enough…it is beautiful. It’s YOU! Listen to your heart (it will never steer you wrong), for that is the greatest gift you could give the world and most importantly yourself.
Be Bold, Be True, Be YOU!
This morning on Make the Most of U I passed along a question that I received in the most recent IONS newsletter;
“What if we shifted our focus from achieving more to simply living more deeply?”
I then asked the questions, “What does it mean to you to live more deeply?” “What would a life lived deeply look like?” And as promised here is my response.
To me living more deeply means being as present in the here and the now as I possibly can be. As it has often been said, it is in the here and the now when we begin to create our tomorrows. It means being in as constant a state of gratitude as possible. So instead of focusing on the negative of a situation for too long, I would automatically be able to see the positive take away.
So what does it look like for me?
I can use four words to describe what it looks like:
4) Prosperous (on all levels)
So what about you; what does living more deeply mean and look like to you? Enquiring minds wanna know.
What's Your Theme?
I am very lucky! Why? Well, because each year I get to start off a New Year with a new age. Saturday I celebrated my 41st birthday and I couldn’t be more excited. (Actually, many thanks to my amazing and wonderful friends, birthday celebrations began on the Thursday before.) Something feels completely different about 41; I can’t explain it.
I just have this strong feeling that my 41st year is going to be even more empowering and results-orientated than my 40th. As a reminder and motivator, I am starting my 41st year with a new theme. Last year my theme was “Go Big or Go Home!” and this year my theme is going to be “Fabulous at 41”.
Being “Fabulous at 41” isn’t about becoming an ego-maniac, having plastic surgery, or going on a major clothes shopping spree. “Fabulous at 41” equates to;
1) Doing more to make a positive difference on a personal, professional, and global level (stay tuned for this one),
2) Creating a complaint-free zone,
3) Counting my blessings often,
4) Stretching outside my box farther than ever before, and
5) As Doreen Virtue encourages, “Blessing everyone I meet”; by sending out love and good wishes to everyone I encounter in my day-to-day travels.
Since it is the first day of the New Year (Happy New Year one and all!) now is a great time to create your theme. So what will it be? Will it be…
My Best Self Ever
The Year of No Settling
Being Great in 2008
Whatever your theme, it is my wish that 2008 be a simply awesome, massively inspiring, and fabulous year for you!!
Notes to Self
Some notes to self (things to remember):
1) Pay attention to personal presence (how present am I being at any given moment?) and being in the present moment is truly important if you want to learn, grow, and move forward.
2) Soul searching is like peeling back the layer of an onion; you just never know how many layers you have to peel to get to the sweet spot. Each layer serves its own individual purpose so pay attention to what comes up as you peel.
3) This very moment is critical. I have the opportunity from this very moment to choose my direction and which actions I will take.
4) Louise Hay is one remarkable woman and teacher; she reminded me this week how important it is to love and accept myself for who I am in the here and the now.
5) Positive affirmations do work if you are willing to give them an honest shot.
6) My power is mine and not something to give over to a fear or to someone else.
7) If I move out of my own way and just have faith in me, I can conquer fear and accomplish whatever I want to. I just have to remember, I have more to gain than I do to lose just by trying.
OK, so I have shared some of my important notes to myself from this week. Care to share yours?
Other Cool Resources to Check Out
Wrapped in Bows and Shiny Paper
The Power of Choice
You Can Heal Your Life
Think Positive! Blog
Fight Club Leads to Radical Self Acceptance
Special Thanks!I want say a special thank you to my friend Phil Gerbyshak for his wonderful and generous feedback and thoughts on how to improve my blogs. THANK YOU, Phil – you are a star.
The choice is always simple enough, Pam, clear your plate if you want dessert.
From the kitchen,
Almost every year since my divorce in 2001 (with the exception of two years over the past six years) the holidays have always been kinda tough for me. You see, my holidays used to be filled with decorating, baking, wrapping gifts, and holiday parties with family. Now Christmas is more of a quiet time.
During the divorce my ex-husband and I agreed that Christmas would be his holiday to spend extended time with our son. I support that. Honestly, I am grateful that my son and my ex-husband have that time to connect with one another and share some quality time together. However, I won’t deny that I miss all the holiday fun and family togetherness. I miss what used to go into making Christmas such a special time.
So now, rather than pull out the decorations and spend time baking and cooking, I am starting a new holiday ritual; clearing my plate and making room for my dessert.
I have spent some time feeling crappy, throwing myself a little pity party where I did the “Oh woe is me, I am alone during Christmas” boogie. Since I am getting that heap of stuff off my plate, I can now focus on the following:
- Taking stock of all that I have that I am grateful for, and that is A LOT!
- Getting really clear on anything that I am tolerating and make a plan for removing those tolerations. (Yesterday, I bought a bookshelf and cleared the books from the floor. What a difference that made!)
- Recharging my battery and pampering myself. (That also began yesterday with a pedicure and manicure.)
- Do an intention check-in, making sure that I am clear on the actions I need to take to keep up the forward momentum.
So here’s to making room for that yummy dessert. What will you clear off your plate to make room?
Ready to Fly
In coaching we often stress how important it is to get to the “who” of the client. When we explore and uncover who a person truly is at their core, shifts occur and awareness is created. I am going to be blatantly honest and share that I have “stuffed” part of my “who”, stuffed it in a major way. To put it simply, I’ve been like a bird caught in an oil spill; wings wanting to fly, but buried beneath too much shit to do so.
As I mentioned in my entry on Make the Most of U I have been afraid to let my vulnerable side come out and play fully. Why? Because I didn’t want to be seen as flawed; I didn’t want my clients, potential clients, and friends to think of me as weak or incapable of being a good coach and friend. (So much for walking my own walk, right?)
So I am coming clean; cleaning the shit off my wings.
In doing so, I first need to address the question, “Who Is Pam REALLY?”
Pam is a woman. She is a strong woman who has been through some tough stuff in her lifetime (i.e. abuse, miscarriage, divorce). She is a woman who has made some crappy decisions, but is doing her best to learn from those decisions. She is a woman who has fears; fear of failing, fear of being rejected, fear of being alone, and sometimes fear of success (to name a few). She is a fighter; she fights herself way too much, but she also fights for what’s right. She is a woman who can be selfish and a bit of a jackass sometimes, especially when she is afraid or angry. (FACTOID: Anger is just fear turned outward.) She is a woman with heart and lots of love to give. She is not perfect, but has a bad habit of trying to be. She sometimes gives her power away too easily to others. She is a giving human being. She sometimes hides her pain behind a positive exterior. She is determined and not a quitter. And when she gets out of her own way, she is a damn good friend and a fine coach.
So here is to being real (and a bit scared right now about putting this out there); to understanding that by being real and being vulnerable I can actually be a better me, a better friend, and a better coach. Stay tuned as this woman continues to clean the shit off her wings so she can truly soar.
Recommitment to Me, Myself, and I
I can’t believe that 2007 has come and is almost gone. In reviewing some of my intentions for this past year, I realize that some did not become a reality for me. Rather than be upset I am giving myself permission to be OK with the fact that I didn’t build my practice to 20 loving clients and that I did not gain a column this year. Instead I am going to express my sincerest gratitude for the following things accomplished:
1) I did give an empowerment workshop to 17 incredible women and this week I am giving another. (One of my intentions for the year).
2) I wrote and self-published a series of e-workbooks.
3) I finished my Masters in Industrial/Organizational Psychology.
4) I became a certified coach via the International Coach Federation.
5) My coaching blog Make the Most of U served 337,367 visits (to date); so maybe it’s not a column, but it still enabled me to reach out and share.
I am going to claim this year as a success and I am going to make the following commitments to myself for the next year:
1) To add five corporate clients to my practice.
2) To give five empowerment workshops.
3) To continue to give readings and strengthen my intuitive skills.
4) To not let fear stand in my way of being who I need to be and creating what I wish to create.
You heard it here first and it starts today.
A Time of Change
I have been on a quest; a quest to become the very best I can be. Ultimately, with that quest has come change and with change has come fear, joy, excitement, pain, terror, the “oh my God what nows”, the “hey, this is downright awesomes”, the feeling of being a loose end, the feeling of amazing grounded-ness. Are you feeling me? Change brings with it, well…CHANGE.
These last few weeks have been loaded with change. I have felt like a kid going through a growth spurt and damn if that growth spurt hasn't been a tad painful. I have literally felt up in the air, not sure where the hell I am about to land.
I have decided to take my coaching practice to a new level adding corporate coaching to my offerings. With that decision came the “what ifs”.
At the beginning of the year I will be teaching some new teleclasses. While I am excited and honored to be given this opportunity, I am scared to death.
And here is the biggie; I have decided that I can no longer hide a skill and gift that has been with me my entire life. That skill is my intuition and the fact that I am able to read energy and provide others with readings. There, I said it. I have been hiding this gift for far too long because I was afraid that others would think I had lost my mind. In hiding it, I have been hiding a part of me.
OK so what I am going to do to ensure that I land on my feet instead of my head?
Well, I am going to flesh out my corporate coaching offerings so I can place it on my website and then start contacting mid-sized companies to offer my services. For goodness sake, I have a Masters in Industrial/Organizational Psychology that is not being utilized so don’t you think it’s time I get off the stick?
I am going to review my teaching materials and begin writing my curriculum. I have taken these classes, it is content I love so I know I can teach them. (In other words; Girlfriend, put up or shut up.)
I am going to do more readings. I did one on Thursday and it was amazing how grounded and excited I felt. Hey, if others find it weird, that’s OK. It’s none of my business what others think any way.
I have opportunities and if I choose to shy away from them, then I am not growing and learning; I am rolling over and playing dead. NOT AN OPTION!
I AM ENOUGH and I Get IT!
Last week on Make the Most of U I posted about living the lie of not having or being enough. It’s funny, right after I wrote the post I had the urge to shout “I AM ENOUGH!” so I did. Damn if it didn’t feel good!!
This felt and feels HUGE!
It is so huge that it is generating some BIG buzz. Since that post some amazing conversations, thoughts, and a-has have been shared by others - people are stepping up to join me in staking claim to being enough. I am forever grateful!! I am beginning to understand that the more people who see themselves as enough, the more modeling to take place, the more impact it will have on this world.
(Think about it. The thoughts of not having enough can lead to greed. Greed can lead to internal and external strife and even war.)
As I continue to explore the concept of being enough, more reveals itself.
On a personal level I have found that several of the fears I have been working on are deeply seated in the not enough chair.
If I am enough for me, I no longer have to run in the never ending race of being enough for everyone else. Frankly, that race has become tiring and has taken up too much valuable time. With that said, I also have to remember that while my enough may work for me, it may not work for another person and that person has the right to move on. In doing so it is not because I am a bad or deficient person, I am just not the right person for them or vice-versa. That is A-OK!
Being enough is not about complacency! It’s about having faith that you are enough, enough to have whatever you want be the best it can be. So there is no way that I am going to sit back on my haunches. With the faith that I am enough (and that I have enough) I will continue to set intentions and take action.
I also understand that in order to model being enough, I have to ensure that I am not giving “not enough” message to others. Everyone is enough and everyone has more than enough.
So here’s to being enough and to continuing to explore being enough so that I can support others in seeing their (and they’re) enough.
The Storm Before the Calm
Since my last post I experienced a bit of a storm – an inner storm. I felt like crap, to be honest; anxious, on edge…just plan crappy. I was so deep in to it that trying to make coherent sentences come out of my mouth was even difficult. This meant I got little work done on my e-workbooks (which are due for release at the end of the month), because I was basically in shut down mode.
Rather than completely freak out (as I have done in the past), I just sat with my feelings (oh, and I shared them as I needed to). Then it dawned on me that the reason I was feeling so crappy was because I was making room. You know the “remove the crap to make room for the good stuff” kind of room? That's what I was doing. I was getting really clear on what wasn’t serving me any more so I could make room for the things that will.
Just as I was in the middle of all the yuck I received the following e-mail message from TUT.com. (If you haven’t had a TUT experience, you don’t know what you are missing.)
Very often, Pam, when tides start turning, great gears begin shifting, and gusting winds start blowing at the onset of a really wonderful dream's alignment with your present life, there is commotion, unpredictability, even turmoil.
So, hey, let's always assume that's the case whenever you experience commotion, unpredictability, even turmoil. K?
Let not your senses deceive, for even as the tempest may howl, just beyond it lies a serenity that could not otherwise find you. The storm before the calm, Pam, if you will.
Pretty timely, don’t you think?
What’s amazing, because I didn’t freak out, but instead stayed present, some really cool things happened…
1) Six potential clients contacted me and
2) I was asked if I wanted to teach a very cool teleclass.
So here's to dancing in the storm and having faith that the serenity will follow with space, light, and huge potentials.
Living the Dash, Not Dashing to Live
Fellow blogger and Make it Great guru, Phil Gerbyshak asked a great question in his inspiring post, “What’s in your dash?”(Thank you, Phil). His post and question got me thinking long and hard about what I contribute and how I wish to show up in this world.
I realize how important it is to live each day to the fullest and to not take things (such as time, people, opportunities, etc) for granted. So what’s my dash?
From the time I was born in 1966 to the present my dash has been filled with some priceless and some trying (but growth encouraging) moments:
Being a curious little girl who loved to climb trees and build birds’ nests out of mud and twigs.
Singing in a garage band.
Creating “Life Day”, a day for fellow students to engage in life changing topics from communicating with their parents to dealing with thoughts of suicide.
Leaving my home of 18 years to attend a college 1200 miles away.
Losing my grandmother to an AIDS-related illness and deciding it was time to get involved in AIDS education.
Getting married to my college sweetheart
Co-founding an AIDS prevention organization for youth
Giving birth to an amazing son who will be turning 13 next month (Where has time gone?)
Realizing that the man I married, while a good man (and one I am grateful for, for many reasons), was not the right man for me, nor was I the right woman for him.
Celebrating the fact that twin flames do actually exist and I love mine very much.
Starting a masters program in I/O Psychology
Following my passion and purpose by becoming a coach. I feel so blessed to have a great practice with some of the greatest clients.
Finishing and obtaining my Masters in I/O Psychology
Phew, and those are just some of the highlights that bubble to the surface. For the next 50+ years I am committed to filling my dash with positive contributions to this planet. It is my desire to continue giving back, to supporting others in living their most authentic and passionate lives, and to being me – a woman who lives life to the max.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming,
"WOW! What a ride!"
So what’s your dash?
Gossip; Friend or Foe
I have never been one who has liked gossip. HOWEVER, I feel it is important to clarify that while I do not like it that does not mean that I have never done it. When I was in high school I gossiped A LOT. Why? Well, I could justify it by saying that the people I wanted to fit in with gossiped, so I gossiped. That was not the real reason though. The real reason, I felt really crappy about me and gossiping was a way to focus my attention elsewhere.
This past week I will admit that I participated in a small bit of gossip and I have to tell you, it made me feel awful. It made my heart feel heavy. I did not feel like me at all.
It did serve a positive purpose and that was to remind me that I do not have to gossip in order to fit in, nor do I have to gossip in order to focus my attention elsewhere. I am grateful for the reminder and the awareness that I am not the same person I was in high school. Oh, and here is something else I was reminded of; gossiping says nothing about the person being gossiped about, but it does say a lot about the gossiper.
I do not want people to see me in the negative light that gossiping creates, nor do I wish to see me in that light. With that said it is my commitment to stay true to me, true to my values and not participate in gossip.
Let It Go
This past week I finished the second e-workbook in the Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward Series. (YEEEEHAW!) I have to be honest and say that aside from my thesis this was the hardest piece I have ever written. I really struggled with it. Not because I was at a loss for content. I knew what I wanted to convey and I knew what the objective of the e-workbook was going to be.
So what made it so hard?
I had to find a way to let go of the words. To share them in a way that would support another person in letting go of anything that was holding them back.
Who am I kidding? That was not the real issue.
The real issue was that while I was writing I came to the realization that there were still some things that I needed to let go of. So here I am writing a book about letting go while letting go. At times it felt exhilarating and at other times I was so completely drained I felt like I was going to implode.
It does not get any more real than that. Does it?
The long and the short, I am thrilled with the outcome – both the e-workbook and the space I created. I cannot wait to share these e-workbooks with the world.
Spotlights Make Me Sweat
Have you ever felt uncomfortable receiving a compliment? I HAVE!! I raise my hand and admit that I am not very good at receiving compliments.
It's not because I do not appreciate, like, and value compliments. I do! And I certainly NEVER wish to discount the person giving them by not receiving. I just find it uncomfortable sometimes.
Well, I have poked and prodded my brain for an answer and here is what came up for me; receiving a compliment feels like I am being placed in the spotlight. I am a spotlight shiner by nature, not one who stands in the spotlight. What's ironic is that in order to fully give, we have to also be able to receive.(That's polarity, right?) So if I am big on giving, which I am, I have to get better about receiving.
Not only that, but I learned something really cool at the Summit for Bigger Small Talk, when we are open to receiving, we learn and grow. Oh, and get this; as you all know I am REALLY big into setting intentions and taking action in order to create results. Ummmm, you have to be open to receiving in order for results to fully come.
So this coach is going to work on strengthening her receiving muscle. I can promise you that I will do so with grace and gratitude, because I would hate not to create results and stop growth and change from happening.
Giving My All
In one of the lessons he shares that you cannot give away the things that you don’t have. Pretty obvious, right? I think it is important to share, however, that he was not referring to material things at all. Rather, he was referring to emotional and energetic things.
It makes perfect sense. How can I give love as fully as I would like if I don’t have love inside of me for me? How can I be as compassionate as I wish to be if I do not feel that compassion for myself? How can I be as supportive as I would hope if I don’t support me?
Because being able to give love, compassion, and support to others is so important to me I am, right here and right now, committing to;
Expressing love for myself to myself
Showing more compassion towards myself
Sharing support of me with me
- Refrain from disparaging myself in any way and
- Recognize one special quality I have or one neat thing that I did.
I can’t wait to see what happens!
My sister sent me another wonderful quote and it could not have come at a better time. (Thank you, Wen!)
No-one can choose your mountain
or tell you when to climb...
It's yours alone to challenge
at your own pace and time - Anonymous
This past week my moutain has been my e-workbooks and allowing the creative juices just to flow as and when they do. In the past I would have tried rushing my way to the top of the mountain only to feel horrible if I fell to the bottom. (How productive is that?)
Now I am climbing the mountain slowly, watching my footing, and sitting on rock ledges when I need a bit of a rest. These e-workbooks are too important to do anything else.
Releasing the Outcome
As I write this my heart is racing and my stomach has the worst case of butterflies. For the last several months I have been working on a series of e-workbooks which are dedicated to supporting others in living a life filled with passion, happiness, prosperity, and balance.
To date, aside from writing and bringing these e-workbooks to life, I have...
- Sent some of my work to a group of friends and my own coach for feedback.
- Purchased and received my ISBN numbers.
- Registered two out of the four e-workbooks in the series, plus the supplemental e-workbook.
- And today on Make the Most of U, I announced the series (to be released in August). I have invited people to sign up to be notified when the series hits the bookshelves. In exchange, I am offering interested parties the supplemental e-workbook for free.
Rather than worry about whether anyone will wish to be notified, I am going to practice releasing the outcome. I am going to flex my trust muscle and have faith that what happens is meant to happen.
Let the fun begin!
Move Aside, Clyde
My sis, knowing that I am a collector of cool quotes, sent me this awesome one last week...
"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." -- Sir Edmund Hillary
A pretty timely reminder considering I have had a few run-ins with a brick wall, ego, self doubt, and fear lately. I raise my hand and admit, I have moments when I forget to get out of my own way.
When I do move aside and get really present awesome things happen. For example;
1) New opportunities appear and I go for them.
2) I have more energy.
3) I experience a great deal of happiness.
4) Stress steers clear of me since I am more relaxed.
5) Fear takes a backseat because my confidence is riding shot gun.
My passion and commitment is supporting others in being their very best and having the very best. I am truly committed to changing this world one person at a time, but I can't do that if I am standing in my own way.
So move aside, Clyde. :)
Lovin' Those Brick Walls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you hit a brick wall? You know one of those big, huge, gnarly, stop you dead in your track kind of walls that seem to go on forever.
I hit ones of those walls head-on this past week. Normally (based on past experience),the crappy feeling of that wall would have caused frustration and angst, which would have led to lots of head banging to try and jar the bricks loose. Instead, this time I tried something different.
This time I took some deep breaths, listened to my gut instincts, and just rested. I understood that being up against that brick wall was just where I needed to be.
During my time sat against the wall I was able to see that I am doing the right things, I am on the right path, and big things are about to unfold (my e-workbook series for one). So this little respite allowed me to reflect on where I am and where I am headed. It allowed me to gather up my energy for the big stuff I am creating and it saved me from a major headache. Now I am ready to climb over the wall because I know that what is on the other side is going to be really cool.
Wow, I think I like respites rather than brick imprints on my forehead. ;) And the next time a brick wall appears, rather than see it as a huge obstacle, I think I will look at it as a chance to take a break and reflect.
Movin' and a Groovin'
In December I had posted my intentions for my 40th year and one of those intentions was to create an empowerment workshop. That intention has manifested itself into a series of e-workbooks (which will eventually be accompanied by teleclasses) and I am so excited.
I am also excited to report the first e-workbook is now complete, as well as a supplemental workbook. The series is called "Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward" and once several of the e-workbooks are ready for public consumption (I am shooting for the first part of August), I will be sharing more details. ;)
21 Days to Form A Habit
I believe it was James Arthur Ray who said that it takes 21 days to form a habit. OK, I am game because I have a few things that I wish to make habits. (Gosh, that sounds funny!) So to start...
1) I wish to improve my physical well being. I exercise 4-5 days a week, but what I don't do is drink enough water. For the next 21 days I will make it a habit to drink 80 ounces of water a day (10/8 oz glasses).
2) I wish to become a bit more centered and grounded...meaning peaceful, especially in the evening when I should be winding down. For the next 21 days I will make it a habit to meditate for at least 10 minutes before bed.
Check back in 21 days (the 19th of May) for a progress report. :)
In the meantime, what habit will you form?
Get Out the Shovel
When I turned 40 I committed to going big or going home. Since I will be damned if I am going to go home, the only option for me has been to go BIG. Not a half-assed big, but a kick some butt and take names later BIG. And that BIG equates to unearthing lots of stuff, looking at any limiting beliefs and obstacles that need to be removed, as well as embracing every single experience -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am not going to lie and say the unearthing has been filled with happy, fuzzy bunnies hopping through the meadow type of discoveries. Frankly, some of what I have unearthed has been painful, down-right frigging uncomfortable, and scary as hell. And you know what? I’m glad…yes, that’s right, I am glad!
From what I have unearthed I have learned a few things about me. I have learned that I can…
…rise above abuse and stop the cycle.
…be true to my own convictions and beliefs.
…let go of the importance of what others think of me.
…set intentions and move forward using my own strength as support.
…look myself square in the eye and know in my heart that I am A-OK and will always be A-OK.
…be grateful for all the experiences I have had…the good and the bad.
…forgive and let go.
Here is to the unearthing process! May it continue to support my going BIG!
I have been really lax and I am sorry. About two weeks ago Alex (the initiator of this fun MeMe) tagged me and then a couple a days ago Edward was kind enough to tag me. So now it is my turn to share a few cream of the crop, out of this world, “gotta get goals” goals.
My out of this world goals, or as I like to call them, intentions are…
1) To help change this world one person at a time through my work. This is not only an intention, but a passion of mine. (As a matter of fact, I ran across this last night while surfing.) While my aim is not to gain recognition it would be wonderful to truly inspire people to see that they are amazing and have so much to offer.
2) To have a syndicated column that supports and empowers people to live their most passionate and abundant lives possible.
3) To obtain complete financial independence (meaning having more than enough money to live on for the rest of my life) so that I can continue to provide for my family and give back to my community. (For example, helping the homeless, giving to AIDS research, providing free coaching to people who wish to get from they are to where they wish to be.)
4) To continue to expand my knowledge and keep learning. Through learning comes growth and I never want to stop growing.
5) To move into my dream home. (As a matter of fact, I wrote a very detailed description of it just yesterday.) This home is filled with peace and love, supporting the growth and well-being of my family and my dedication to keep walking my own walk.
Instead of tagging anyone in particular I wish to tag everyone who reads this post. It is my wish that you have fun drafting your list of amazing goals…even better, it my wish that you achieve them all.
Life's Little Reminders
From every difficult situation there is something that can be learned, something valuable to gain. I was reminded of this last night as I watched someone disrespect themselves and others. I won't go into the gory details nor bore you with the history…what I will say is that I was reminded of some valuable lessons...
1) Everyone has the right to an opinion. And in turn everyone deserves the courtesy of being heard (without fear of being made wrong) regardless of whether the opinion expressed is favorable or not to those engaged in conversation.
2) Bullying another with one's thoughts and opinions does not get one heard, nor does it get others to learn from or consider what one has said. It is often best to express one's opinion from a place of constructiveness and care - people are more apt to listen.
3) The last and possibly the most important lesson I was reminded of is... RESPECT IS EARNED. That means that you must give respect in order to expect to receive it…you can't just demand it.
While the situation last night was not pretty nor ideal, I am grateful for the wonderful reminders.
Another Intention to Check Off My List
Today I received word from the International Coach Federation that I have received my Associate Certified Coach (ACC) credentials. Oh happy day...my intention to become a certified coach has become reality.
I want to thank the following people for their support, love, and encouragement.
... my wonderful, loving significant other, Jon
... my amazing family
... my fantastic clients
... my awesome friends
... my fabulous colleagues
... and my tremendous coach
I owe you all so very much!! You all mean the world to me!
Now to work on my PCC certification. ;)
Are You With Me?
In 1988 I lost my grandmother to an AIDS-related illness and so began my own fight against HIV/AIDS as an HIV/AIDS educator. I am no longer an HIV/AIDS educator, but I am still a supporter of HIV/AIDS education and research. Today I was inspired to do something (thank you, Jonathan) that is not only fun, but will hopefully make a difference.
Please click here to find out what I did and to consider making a difference too. Thank you!
OK, So Maybe I'm Not Going So Big
A few weeks ago I posted the following Go Big or Go Home question on Make the Most of U;
There is not a person in this world who does not wish to enhance or even change an area of their life (or several areas). Think about your life for a moment and focus on one area that you feel could stand a bit of a facelift or maybe even an overhaul.
Now for that question…
How will your life improve if that area changes? (List out all the ways it will improve if you were to change that one area.)
First, the area I wish to change is my physical well-being...meaning I would like to lose some excess weight.
My life will improve in the following ways...
1) I will have more energy.
2) I will be able to wear some of the awesome clothes that I have in my closet.
3) I will feel more positive about my body.
4) I will be healthier.
5) I will help prevent high blood pressure and diabetes (which runs in my family).
Now, I am going to take it a step farther and make a commitment to...
1) Continue to drink lots of water.
2) Continue to exercise, but amp up my cardio exercise.
3) Eat a more balanced diet.
4) Go back to using positive affirmations (The last time I wanted to lose a bit of weight, the affirmations were a huge help and I dropped about 60 pounds.)
So there you have it..I am committed to making the change. I may not be going big on this one, but I am certainly not going home!
Sharing the Vision
Since I have posted before about vision boards, I thought it might be fun to share my own. So without further ado...
Am I a Tennis Shoe, Loafer, Flip Flop, or Pump?
Because I like walking my walk, not just talking my talk, in my post on Make the Most of U, I said I would share my “I am” list. Here goes…
Who is Pam Thomas?
a good listener
lover of life
driven by positives
passionate about making a difference
a shower singer
a lover and eater of great food
an eclectic music listener
a public speaker
a studier of Industrial/Organizational Psychology
a mom to an outstanding son
a business owner
a risk taker
a best friend
a seeker of good
a web coordinator
crazy (in a good way)
a free spirit
a problem solver
a truth teller
a coffee drinking fiend
able to tap into my child-carefree side
a car bopper (meaning I like to dance in the car – which usually makes me son furrow his forehead)
a lover of cuddles and snuggles
an animal lover and zoo keeper (yep, I have a few animals in my home)
Your turn! Who are you?
Gotta Love those Light Bulb Moments
Coming from a place of love is powerful and very reassuring. And while I do not feel as if I have enemies, I have practiced coming from a place of love during times of potential frustration or annoyance. An example that comes to mind is an experience I had in traffic the other day. Someone in an obviously much greater hurry than me cut me off. Rather than get angry I just blessed the person with a safe journey to their final destination. I have to say it felt great to do so.
That got me thinking… what if we did the same with fear or with our own self-doubters? I gave it a whirl when my fear of loss came for a visit. Here is what I said, “Thank you for the wonderful reminder of how important this is to me. I just love the fact that you care enough!” What a difference it made to come from a place of love rather than resistance. Within seconds my feeling of fear was gone and a feeling of peace took its place.
Facing the Fear Within
We all have fear…fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of success…its part of being human. For me, my fear is fear of loss.
For the past few weeks this fear has been really strong. It came on like a vengeance when I began clearing out the “old” in preparation for the New Year and my 40th. What I have recently realized, the more I resist against it the stronger it gets.
Instead of resisting, I am doing what I recommend to my clients…
1) Remembering that fear does not exist in the present, just in the past and the future.
2) Getting present by deep breathing and stating in the here and now five things I am grateful for.
Practicing these simple steps is not only empowering, but it helps me push through my fear. It is my commitment to continue to push through, because when I am in a place of fear I am not able to be me at my best.
If You Donít Ask, You Donít Get
I mentioned in a previous entry that one of my intentions was to have “20 amazing, loving clients in my practice (at all times) with a waiting list of 10; supporting them in making a difference in their own lives and the lives of others”. Well, I realized that in order to do just that I needed to re-create my niche. Having a specific/targeted niche will support me in continuing to share what I do with others in a more succinct way. So over the past two weeks I have been working on re-creating my niche using a great exercise from the book, Getting Business to Come to You.
In addition to using the great exercise, I have also talked to quite a few folks, asking for their thoughts and insight. The feedback and brainstorming sessions I have had have been so helpful. I asked for support and I got it and I am so grateful!! (Thank you Jon, Lynne, Wendy, and Amy!)
I have also been thinking about how new clients will come to me. Rather than struggle with trying to come up with various ways, I sat quietly with the intention set. I have come to learn that the “how” part of manifesting intentions is really up to the universe. My job is to be clear about my intention, to be present, and be ready to take action. In doing so, an idea came to mind, I’ll ask my acupuncturist for referrals. On Friday after my session, my acupuncturist and I had a discussion about my idea and he was very supportive and willing!
The bottom line, if you don’t ask, you don’t get!!
Ready for 2007
I am READY for 2007 (even though I still have just a little bit more cleaning and clearing to do)!! I had an amazing 40th birthday celebration which has helped 2006 come to a close on a very positive note! Now I am really ready to go BIG in 2007.
I will spend tonight quietly reflecting on all the things I am grateful for from the past year, going over my intentions for 2007, and readying myself for action. I am looking forward to the potentials that 2007 holds. This is going to be a big year, one that I am ready to embrace with open arms and an open heart.
May 2007 be a wonderful year for all of us. May we all manifest the greatest we deserve!!
Just a little side note: If you are interested in putting your intentions into action, sharing them with the universe, please join me on What’s Within U Radio January 6th (8:30am PT, 9:30am MT, 10:30am CT, 11:30am ET, 4;30pm GMT). Together we will make things happen in 2007!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL!!!
Tear Down and Rebuild
I am not going to lie and say that this past week has been a cakewalk, because frankly, it’s been a crap week energetically and emotionally. Not only have I been physically clearing out my space, (throwing old papers away, giving away clothes that no longer suit, etc.) I have given myself permission to feel whatever I need to feel in order to purge energetically and emotionally.
You see, I am a firm believer that in doing so you make more room for the good stuff. It’s just like cleaning out your closet…you remove the old stuff to make room for your new, cool stuff.
What’s funny, a dear friend of mine reminded me yesterday that I did say I wanted to prepare for my 40th in a big way. “Remember Pam…go big or go home!” I asked, I received, and now I’m going big…I’m feeling everything there is to feel regardless of how crappy.
As I am feeling things I am reminded of something I read in Gregg Braden’s book, The Isaiah Effect: Decoding the Lost Science of Prayer and Prophecy...(paraphrasing) often times before peace occurs there is destruction. So in these six days before my birthday here is to tearing down in order to rebuild in glorious splendor.
A Vision Becomes Reality
I cannot begin to thank my best friend Jon enough for lovingly donating his amazing talents. With his incredible ability, what was once (not too long ago) a vision has now become a reality.
The Kindness Movement (DSL, Cable, Hi-Speed Internet)
The Kindness Movement (Dial-up)
Thank you, Jon for everything…thank you for being you!!
Preparing for and Embracing 40
At the end of this month I am turning the BIG 40 and I could not be more excited. First of all I vowed that I was going to have one AWESOME celebration to bring in my 40th year. (Check that one off the list, as FANTASTIC party plans are in the works.) Second and most important, I have known for some time that BIG, HUGE, AMAZING things are going to begin, manifest, and happen when I turn 40.
I know in my heart-of-hearts that my commitment and passion to help change this world one person at a time is going to continue, but at greater intensity. In order to continue doing what I love in a more powerful way, I have to clear some space…do some major work on me. That is just what I have been doing over the last few months; facing fears, getting clear on my intentions, removing things from my life that no longer serve (or never did). It has not been easy and to be honest, I have been an exposed nerve at times, but I know all the work is going to be worth it.
I am ready to take things to the next level, to really step into who I am and what I do with even more integrity and passion than before.
Here are just some of the intentions I am going to accomplish this fine year…
1) To have 20 amazing, loving clients in my practice (at all times) with a waiting list of 10; supporting them in making a difference in their own lives and the lives of others.
2) To give my first empowerment workshop so that others can create the lives they desire and deserve.
3) To have a regular column in a newspaper or magazine to support others in reaching their fullest potential.
This year is about empowerment and making a difference! Won’t you join me?
All We Need is Love
I know that love bridges distance between people and soothes what ails. We all believe in love on some level. How do we get others to see that love is the most powerful, amazing gift we have?
Love is over-arching. It is bigger than fear, it is bigger than pain, it is bigger than hatred, and it is bigger than greed. Knowing and understanding that to be true, why is it such a hidden emotion? Why it is something feared?
What can we as individuals, as a society, as a world do to bring love to the forefront?
Tuning In; Tuning Out
I have always known how important it is to listen and be true to your own self. I also know how sometimes, while great in theory, it is not always something easily practiced. It is too easy to say things like…
“I have too much to do”
“I really want to do <fill in the blank>, but I should do <fill in the blank>.”
“That does not feel good, but I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings.”
You get the idea!
Well, yesterday I listened to myself. I had a list of things I needed to get done, but instead my body and brain were screaming loudly, “Pam, you need to rest! You need to recharge!”
So I listened and I did just that! I took the day to curl up in bed, watch movies and sleep. I am glad I did, because today I feel more energized…in a better place to be the best person I can be.
Moving Forward with Intention
It is truly fun to set intentions and see them come to fruition. It's not just the act of setting the intention, but really putting the wheels in motion that makes it exciting.
Many moons ago I set the intention to have a call-in radio show or a podcast where people could gain information and a bit of coaching around important life and business issues. Well, yesterday while doing some aimless searching on the Internet (as one does on a Saturday morning) I came across a great site called BlogTalkRadio. Joila! This was just the impetus I needed to set the wheels in motion.
I'll be honest, while a feeling of excitment rushed through me, along with it came a bit of fear. OK,maybe more like a lot of fear...my self-doubter was screaming loudly in my ear, "What if no one calls in? Are you sure you really want to do this? Do you have what it takes?"
Flicking the little bugger off my shoulder, I created an account and scheduled my first live radio show scheduled to air on the 2nd of December. This is going to be a blast and I am looking forward to connecting with many people on the show!
Now I am off to accomplish my next intention...my workshop! Stay tuned. ;)
Will the Real Pam Please Show Up?
I am tired, but in a really good way. I just spent the last several days at a coaching conference, connecting with colleagues, reuniting with friends that I have not seen in a few years, and taking in some awesome information.
In one of the break out sessions I attended we were asked, "What is courage calling you to do?" Pretty heavy question...a potential stumper. Interestingly enough the answer came to me instantly. Courage is calling me to show up fully as me and trust that who I am is enough.
OK, it's not that I have not been showing up as me, but I realized that I have, at times, conformed just to fit in. I have, at times, settled in fear of not being accepted. I have, at times, tolerated things that did not feel in alignment with me because I did not wish to rock the boat.
No more. I am committed to fully showing up as me...warts and all. To trusting in myself and my capabilities to make a difference. You see, I also realized that trust is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets...so here's to trust and showing up.
Things that Make You Go EWWWW!
Driving home on Friday (in rush hour traffic) I ran headlong into one of my biggest pet peeves...rudeness. Rush hour in Phoenix can be a trying experience at best but add rudeness to it and that makes for a caustic mix.
There was a woman in front of me who was kind enough to let another motorist merge into traffic ahead of her. The motorist merged with not so much as a wave or small acknowledgment for the kind gesture offered to her. Instead she continued to talk on her cell phone and speed ahead without a second thought.
It truly makes me sad to witness some of the rude things that people do. It makes me question where we are heading as a society if some cannot extend even the most common of courtesies. So here is what I am thinking...
I am thinking of creating a small video as an extension of The Kindness Movement that I blogged about many moons ago. The aim of this video will be to serve as a gentle reminder that we all have the power to help make this world a kinder, gentler place just by extending those small common courtesies to another.
More details to follow soon. In the meantime I encourage you to share your thoughts and experiences.
Epiphanies at Midnight
Don't you just love it when you are in that sweet stage of peacefulness just before you drift off to sleep. It is during that time when I have done some of my best thinking or come to some awesome solutions. (Good job I keep a journal close by my bed.)
To set the stage...for the past few days I have been feeling some heaviness, like there has been a massive weight sitting in the middle of my chest. Now I know that when I feel that sort of block it either means that something I am doing is not in alignment with who I am OR a massive change/shift is about to occur.
Well, the other night as I was dozing off to sleep a thought...OK, more like a message ran though my head. I sat up like a shot, grabbed my journal, and wrote the following... In order to manifest greatness I must energetically vibrate at a high level. I need to continue to work on me and my own feelings so that my energy remains high. It is then that the fears will subside and the good stuff will appear.
What a great reminder to just be me, to work on being the best me that I know how to be. (This is going to be fun!!) To help this endeavor along I am setting two intentions:
1) To share positive feelings and thoughts with others. I will share them with no expectations whatsoever.
2) To remind myself that I only have control over me, my feelings, my thoughts, and how I choose to respond to others.
So stayed tuned in and let's see what happens. :)
Sunshine and Butterflies
I mentioned last week that I was ready to come out of my poop sandbox and enter the land of the smellin' good and guess what? Monday morning came and with it came a kick-butt attitude. I made the decision before my feet hit the floor that I was going to have an awesome week!! Nothing was going to get me down, no one was going to drag me into their circle of gloom..no way, no how!
I did have an awesome week...
I received a VERY generous salary increase, had some really fun and productive coaching sessions, spent some enjoyable time with the people I love most...I could go on, but instead I will just say...
I am so grateful for the change in attitude, all the wonderous opportunities, and people I have in my life!!
Here is to another fantabulous week ahead, soaking in the good stuff and feeling the feelings!!
Building Poop Sandcastles
We all have bad days … times when we just feel in a funk. I call that funk the poop sandbox. As a matter of fact, I sometimes tell my clients that it is OK to sit in the poop sandbox, slinging poop in the air, building poop sandcastles…"sit and play for as long as you need to until you are ready to come out". (See what I mean about promoting feeling the feelings.)
Well this past week I felt my feelings of funk, sat in my own poop sandbox, and built poop sandcastles. It did not feel all that hot, but it was obviously something I needed to do and now I am ready to come out! I am ready to stop stinkin’ like poop and to join the land of the smellin’ good.
It is my commitment and intention to have a joyful week this week, to enjoy life in a child-like fashion, to bring back the positive mojo, and have a blast! Stay tuned and see what fun stuff I get myself in to!
Hanging with Appreciation
Hey, what can I say, I think expressing gratitude and appreciation on a regular basis is a really cool thing to do. It not only makes someone else's day, but it helps to raise my energy level, and it also helps me to focus on the present moment -- not the past or the future. As a matter of fact I do a little gratitude exercise every day to remind myself of all the things I am grateful for and appreciative of.
Well, just the other day I received this wonderful gratitude/appreciation exercise via e-mail from The Hendricks Institute. The exercise encourages one to share 5-10 things they appreciate about each important person in their life, 5-10 things they appreciate about the world, 5-10 things they appreciate about themselves.
I hope no one minds if I modify the exercise just a little bit for the sake of space and your reading time. ;)
Jonathan, I am extremely appreciative for your love, your giving and generous heart, understanding, sense of humor, courageousness, and for all that you are -- an incredible person!
My dear friends (Kam, Gay, Lynne, Cassi, and Sher), I truly appreciate each and every one of you for the amazing gifts you bring to the world and for the outstanding women that you are!
My adorable son, I am so grateful to you and for you. Your presence in my life has made me grow and become a better person!
Amy, I am so grateful to have you as my coach and greatly appreciate all your support and wonderful guidance!
The incredible Coach U Staff, I am so appreciative for the opportunity to work with you, some of the finest individuals in the coaching industry!
My coaching clients, thank you for allowing me the privilege of being a part of your success team! It is truly an honor!!
My family, I am so grateful for your love and support. I appreciate you being in my corner and always cheering the loudest.
Now for the world. I appreciate...
The beauty that surrounds me.
The opportunities that present themselves.
The amazing richness and diversity.
The abilities to learn and grow.
OK, and now I guess it is time to share what I appreciate about me. I appreciate...
My desire and passion to make this world a better place.
My courage to follow my heart.
Now it's your turn. What and who do you appreciate? Take some time to share... you won't be sorry that you did.
From the Heart
Welcome to the first and probably one of the most important entries of "Walking My Own Walk". I wish to thank a very special person for helping to make this blog a reality. Not only is his creative genius responsible for the beautiful design work you see here, but his love and amazing heart inspired this first post.
I am a big proponent of feeling feelings. I encourage my own clients to feel their feelings through, to tap into them, and to use them to help them move forward. It was not until most recently that I realized I was not truly walking my walk... which is NOT a good thing!
After doing some soul searching I made the wonderful discovery that I am still very much in love with a man that I almost let slip away. Honestly, it was his courage and willingness to put his feelings out there that helped me to truly connect with my own.
Thank you, Jonathan for not only loving me and sticking around, but for supporting me in walking my walk. I love you and I am truly glad you are in my life!
Oh, and here is a bit of a news flash...
You can stuff your feelings, you can push them in the corner with the dust bunnies, but guess what? They will still be there! Take a chance and put them out there because you have more to gain than to lose...I know I sure did!